Hostile

Considering I've never been a very Hostile person
You seem to be putting Hostility in me.

See I use to be able to close my eyes take a few deep breaths
........................(Breath LeAnna Breath)
couth to ten, and my anxiety would flee.

Things are a little different now that you have explored every inch of my skin intimately,

Now that you made that commitment to be my rock and never leave.
I'VE NEVER BEEN A HOSTILE PERSON

BUT YOUR PUTTING HOSTILITY IN ME The dancing you did to win me seem to cease, and the openest and honesty turned into a locked box full of lies and cheats. My sadness shifted into anger my anger swayed to hostility and revenge is the only thing i can think.
So I reached out for the closest thing to me...... My pen filled with ink.

I write down my words and leave with my dignity

Stress

She lies there motionless, in a puddle of what seems to be her own
perspiration

It's as if she cut out her own glans and extracted sweat to sell on
the black market, unsuccessfully.

Her body still reaking of coffee beans and that new car smell.

Which is actually noxious fumes caused by various glues.

Side effects may include headaches, sore throat, nausea, and possibly cancer.

She has become cold and callous to the apathetic people around her.

Removing her mind from her body to complete another 14hour day.

Sleep deprived an anemic, she continues her path of financial gain,

Which consequently begets her mental mortality

work work work.......

~~Welcome Home~~

I began blogging again about 1 week ago, but I started a brand new blog. Then I thought to myself that I want to continue with the one I started 4 years ago. Its become a time stamp of my life and shows who I was and now who I am.

Terry

Still my favorite Blog
check it out

overrated

Ok, so I know I said that relationships are overrated but it sure is nice to be in one again.

now i like this song

Don Juan doing his thing @ the ohm

This video is taking a long time to upload but its a new friend reading his poem "shut the fuck up" his name isTal L. Neumann

me at poetic nights @ the ohm

The Ohm

my friend rod turned me on to this place (what as awesome drummer) that one of his many bands plays at on Thursday night for poetic nights (the name is blacknotes check em out) and it was awesome the vibe was nice and so was the music & talent I got on stage to read some spoken word and i must say i did a great job. i will post the video as soon as i get it online.
but check out the bands blacknote and copacrescent

I NEED A NEW MOUSE MINE SUCKS!!!

the new me

well i started a weight lost journey the last few days and so far i am doing ok, NO POP!!!!!!!! i have drank so much water that i cant eat because i full off of h20. i know it will be hard but it will pay off in the end. i also am going to start boxing again i bought a heavybag and speed bad training set (not that im not already good but i need to build up my stamina) my goal is to get back in shape and start fighting. I think it will be a good idea to start posting my process as a motivational tool. but i wont post how much i weight now just what i lose. wish me luck! and just so you know when i do lose the weight i will be a jaw dropper (cause i already am really cute lol)

i could not have said it better myself (niggas niggas niggas)

:(

going to work with a hangover is one thing but going still drunk is another level. at least i make coffee for a living

Go check out the show

Four Finger Five

March, 30 2007 at Langano Lounge
Not Available , Portland, Oregon 97214
Cost : $2

Be on the look out for a new band in the portland area
Four Finger Five
some awesome guys from my home town Muskegon Michigan

welcome back

wow there was a time in my life i blogged a few times a day, then i just stopped but i really want to get back in to it, i have alot of people that read my blog tell me i need to keep it up so thats what i am going to do, and if you are new to it then check out the past blogs i have done over time.

???

someone asked me today would i vote for Mr. Obama just because he is black? I think that they were surprised to hear me say yes i would, dont get me wrong i like what he is all about but for me to be able to live my life and see a president that is black would mean more to me then all the riches in the world because it tells me that there is a change happening in the world. judge me all you want, i dont care what you think! vote for obama 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy V.D

WELL FEB 14 IS THE DAY OF THE YEAR OF BIG EXPECTATIONS THAT NEVER SEEM TO BE FILLED. BUT THIS YEAR FOR ME WAS LIKE NO OTHER YOU SEE THIS WAS THE FIRST YEAR IN 6 YEARS WITHOUT HAVING JON WITH ME, I NEVER KNEW HOW DEPRESSING IT CAN BE NOT HAVING ANYONE ON V.DAY THANK GOD IT ALMOST OVER!!!!

I dont think that I will be done blogging forever, I just wont be spending that much time on it anymore. For me I think that it is alittle useless (not talking about anyone other than me) you cant say what you really want to and the few things you do say people will take out of content. so thats that.


anyway, one thing that I want to say is this I hate when the things that you once liked in people are now the same thing you hate in them, and now all you want to do is tell them. I hate you, you discuss me and I feel you are just a waste of space!
But i wont because I am a Christan ;)

I feel so old

my birthday is this weekend and i will be turning 22, and yes i feel old! I had so many things that i wanted to have done by this age that i have yet to finest. my degree being one. I see kids now say that they need to take a break from school and i think about when i said the very same thing, and i look at them and just say dont. it is so hard to get back in the swing of it once you are out. I am WAY to smart to not to have my B.A. already, i guess i need to just bite the bullet and do what i have to do. GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!!

Blog for God!

Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. Amen. I share my nightly prayer with the world tonight to also give my testimony. The lord has been so good to me he has brought me through a mighty long way and he continues to work in my life. I don't clam to be a perfect because i know that i am not, but god is not done with me yet. I feel so good to know that no matter what i am going through i always have a friend in him. I believe right now that the one thing that i need to do in life is to let everyone that i come in contact with no how good god is, my job as is to take what i have been taught and share that with everyone, so that is what i am going to do. I also will be starting a new blog where the only topic will be god and i welcome anyone that wants to fellowship with me via online to check it out. so be on the look out for that new link!

God

There is one and only one living and true God. …The eternal God reveals Himself to us as Father, Son and Holy Spirit, with distinct personal attributes, but without division of nature, essence, or being.

God the Son

Christ is the eternal Son of God. In His incarnation as Jesus Christ, He was conceived of the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Mary. …He honored the divine law by His personal obedience, and in His death on the cross, He made provision for the redemption of men from sin.

God the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God. …He exalts Christ. He convicts of sin, of righteousness and of judgment. …He enlightens and empowers the believer and the church in worship, evangelism, and service.

The Scriptures

The Holy Bible was written by men divinely inspired and is the record of God's revelation of Himself to man. It has God for its author, salvation for its end and truth, without any mixture of error, for its matter.

Salvation

Salvation involves the redemption of the whole man, and is offered freely to all who accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour, who by His own blood obtained eternal redemption for the believer. In its broadest sense salvation includes regeneration, sanctification, and glorification.

The game

I am so excited to go to the game on sunday thats when i will ask Iverson to marry me or at least commit one of the sins in the bible (and we all know it is not murder) just kidding
who could deny that beautiful man?

Latte art?

ok i know this is nothing like what was shown on terry's blog but it was my first try and i think i did ok. i was going for a leaf

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Happy New Years!

what an awesome night last night, i cant remember when i had that much fun (thanks Adrian) just a group of like ten had a party at Adrian's huge house in s.e which is beautiful and the basement was fully equipped with music equipment so we jammed all night long w/ hundreds of dollars of good liquor. I also have to say that he has more music then anyone i know, and its good music!

What a find!

Now i totally may be late on this but i found a awesome site on the wed peekvid.com where you can watch t.v shows and full movies and the quality is not bad at all.

Poor Tom Tom

www.??????

I am starting to think that my blog is just another wasted website, I find myself w/ no time to blog, all i can do is work and sleep and occasional go out to dinner w/ some friends ,but yet that seems to be fading away too. now that summer is TOTALLY over everyone seems to be sacking up w/ each other (some quicker then others) for the winter. So friendships seem not to be as important as "relationship" that most likely wont last past march (not you brianne, you got a keeper!!!!) God I sound so bitter, Although I'm not I just hate being the only one that does not have anyone (at least doesn't have the one that i want, maybe i am bitter) my dad said that i should go and try to meet new people, but I think that I am getting to old to put in the effort to make new "friends" who will most likely just disappoint you. la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Oh and yes by the way my birthday is in 24 days, which means more gifts!!!!!! I want tickets to the blazers -vs- Nuggets, not because I want to see the blazers but because i want to see iverson!!!!!!!!!

Alana's 1st Xmass

Happy New Years!

I am soooooooooooo excited for the new year to come around, but alittle sad to not have heard of anymore parties and the one i did hear of seems kinda lame so if anyone knows of any good parties let me know. (i love god but i dont want to go to church sorry guys)

One Star Open Mic Night

I spent alot of time putting this video together so watch all of it please
ps just because i took alone time to do it does not mean that it is great. but one star

Look at that face. Pure Beauty!

Welcome back!

So I have been gone for a while but I am back, I love my fellow bloggers and have missed you all

I want the world to meet a ASS HOLE

Say Hi to Jeff

Joanna newsom

I want to see the show on Sunday sooooooooooooo bad I have tried to get tickets but still no luck. I am hoping that if we go down there the day of then we can get them at a ok price,

my Internet has been temporary turned off (due to forgetting to pay it) so If I dont blog alot that is why. right now I am using a friends wi-fi but I cant do it everyday because i dont want to be a bother.
Thanks Terry for you wi-fi usage

la la la la la la la la

I am singing because I think I am in love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Venti with room americano

coffee never looked so good before! A gentlemen comes into work everyday at about 8:45am to get his venti w/ room americano, his name is Scott. This man comes in dressed G.Q. everyday in his suites and by god is he hot, I have not had a crush like this in a while. He is so social w/ all of us at work and yes he can tell that I like him (not just cause my co-workers tell him) everyone says that I should has him out because they think he is totally into it I said that I will soon I am just tiring to break him down slowly. I was able to take my break today when he was in so on his way out we had some nice convo. (i made love to him w/ my eyes)

ps he is a pharmaceutical sales men$$$$$

a blogging vote

if you know me well would you say that I am manipulative?

'Tweens' are fast becoming the new teens

my own dad said that i was not a teen until I live out of the house but now your considered a teen if you are like 10 years old.

for those you dont know, the words that are underlined you should click on to read the article

F*** YOU

The next person that leaves me a email or gives me a call about my punctuations in my blog will never speak to me again. no i dont always read over what I write and I dont always spell check. but i dont have to, I am not going to be graded on this. Go to HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Singing my heart out

Wow if the people that live next to me heard me singing tonight they would think that I was CRAZY. I wrote a new song and finest it tonight, and I dont want to sound cocky but it is amazing I dont think that I have ever done anything that good before. Its a mix of a Ella Fitzgerald and Eryka Badu with an adult contemporary feel to it. I think that it has alot of potential if my bro will try to put the guitar to it for me..............................LOVE YOU TY

Best song EVER!!!

I need no reason, its just the best song I have ever heard. not all will agree with me but i dont care. listen to this version and to the sax in it and tell me its not the shit. even without the sax its good but with it makes it twice as good. I LOVE PINK FLOYD

For my sis

We are woods and we can get through anything

love hate relationship

I love computer technology but I hate that I cant seem to get mine working, I am soooo stuck and have no idea what to do. I dont know what a operating system is and I cant figure it out. I need help!

Tired!

It may seem like I mean I need to sleep but thats not what I am referring to. I am tired of everyone and everything that is around me, friends dont seem like friends anymore and the ones that do annoy the hell out of me. I try to keep old relationships working but I dont have the energy to always be the one putting something together, always going out of my way for people to do what they do best, flack out.
I cant stand people thinking that they know who I am, the truth is no one in oregon who is my friend knows the real me because we have not been friends long, I have only lived here a year. I am tired of "friends" talking shit about each other behind there back (yes i have done it too) but it is nothing that has not been address to whoever it has to do with. I dont want to fix anyone's relationships with anyone, i dont want to be your Dr. Phill if you cant be mine, I am not your mother in anyway I dont care what you do its your business. If you want to talk to me about life make sure you have been through something first because if you have had a silver spoon in your mouth sense the day you were born chances are you never had to deal with the real world. I dont want to hurt feeling so I leave things nameless but if you want to know If I am speaking about you then ask because yes i will tell you.

Alone

Well this is it after 31/2 months my roommate has went out of town and now I have the house to myself, I love you alex i do but I am going to enjoy every moment of this. I am going to have a blast you just wait and see....................Have fun Ali! I will

My only photoshop skills

I am sorry for placing videos on here that you cant see but it was the only one that I had that was somewhat ok.

The Wall Gets Larger!

believe it or not this is the only pic that turned out last night

Last nights dinner

Last night I went to dinner with a group of friends at Olea's in downtown Portland. Scott Shampine, who is the head Chef their was my good friends boyfriend so we felt extra special. I had a great time and the food was amazing (and the drinks) after great convo. and food we cut to the bill and to my surprise the bill was $600.00, and that was just 10 people. All in all it was worth even if I was the youngest person there

New Blogger

My sis. started her blog tonight so check it out. Its new so there is not much on there but we all have to start somewhere. ABRAH

Don Quijote

more xmass ideas!

bowling night

me and some friends went to Vally Lanes tonight, which I must say was great. I was just $1.00 for shoes and $1.00 a game so just $2.00 plus there was awesome music and you can drink but you dont have to be 21 to get in so Tom Tom could hang out as well. I think that it will be something that we do as a weekly thing. Although I did not win the game I still think that I am better then all of them I was just singing to the music to much, I'll kick there asses next time

Starbucks Drama!

Well last night one of our employees got off her shift and went to Fred Meyers to buy a toy gun, then she proceed back to starbucks placing the gun in her pocket as she came through the door to play around with the other employee and acted as if she was going to rod them. well while she walked in the door placing the gun in her pocket a customer saw it and called the cops (the that person left) well in a quick min 6 or 7 cop cars show up rush into the door with guns raised and tell everyone to put there hands up. Needless to say that person last day at starbucks was today. I am sorry but I think that girl is crazy.
sucks she lost her job but its still kinda funny

Here is a comment my beautiful mother left on one of my older post about being alone today.

Anonymous said...

Being alone isn't what life intends for any of us. That doesn't necessarily mean 'a partner' is the only counter part to make us complete. It can be family and friends... even strangers that we take the initive to help, or be kind to. Grasping the truth of creating our own happiness is a life long lesson... happiness cannot be created through another, only ourselves. Loving ourself, appreciating those that care for us and extending kindness to those that need it although they may not ask for it. Learning as much as we can to make better choices, be better people, helping our world... visiting people that never have visitors, (consider visiting home bound people) All of this sounds easy enough to do but it doesn't eliminate how we feel or what you said about being incomplete. Learning to draw our self worth from inside - from our soul... knowing *it's perfect* while we are still learning. When we put others in front of our needs then the world will be a better place for all of us. And you my daughter will get out of the trap of feeling that only another person can make you happy once you begin giving to those that need. Create positive thoughts in your mind of what is to come, don't title it with a specific person in mind, just begin the process, believe, take steps of kindness and all of what you are looking for will follow. It's not necessarily going to be in our timeline, but it will happen. Love all, even those that don't love us... that is the greatest love of all. Most importantly love and care for yourself, be your best friend... and look for opportunities to make the world you live in better for others. You will be loved in a far greater way then you ever knew before.

11/14/2006 6:03 AM

the new tony hawk is sick! i'll be a pro in no time

The crazy things we do for love

I was reading a book just now about a guy who was in love with this girl and how he once dressed up like a mail man took her mail out of the mail book and knocked on her door to deliver it to her. I think that is pretty crazy but we all go through that faze I know I did. My story is that When I lived in michigan I really liked this guy (he was not a stranger, a friend of the family) well I knew that he sold drugs as well (nothing crazy just pot) so one day me and a friend called him up to buy a bag of pot from him and asked him to bring it to our house, and 25mins. later he show up with the pot so i gave him the money and said she you at church wed. (yeah thats right we went to church together) well the crazy thing was I dont even smoke pot I just wanted to see him. I know that it is crazy but dont judge me because everyone has done something like that before.

Whats your story?

Justice brings peace, freedom brings democracy, understanding is the way

I find myself in tears right now viewing the images of the sport where killing seals is the outcome. I just think that it is immoral and sad what Kind of man are you to run around with a large stick with a hook at the end and beat these poor defenseless animals. I call the people that participate in this "sport" pathetic. In 2003 alone, 350,000 seals where killed in this brutal way and this year and in 2005, each year they will kill 350,000 more to make a total of over a MILLION seals killed within 3 years. Terry once said in a blog about hunting that "Hunters are small people, plus, guns are ways to make up for small brains" which I do fulling agree on but these men dont even use guns , they beat these poor things to death. I think that is even worst.

what a way to end my night

You know those people that you fall out of touch with, and no matter how hard you try to find them they never seem to pop up. well thats why i love myspace! one of my dearest friends from high school found me on myspace and he sent me such a nice email w/ all the new contact info but due to the time difference we were unable to speak tonight but i am looking forward to talking w. him tomorrow.

love ya E.S

I need help!

I don't understand how come I can not find any grants or loans for school. I seem to be the only one that is having a problem. what am I doing wrong I search the Internet all day for anything, I cant even find grants/scholarships for minorities. I had a 3.9 all though high school and a 4.0 my first year of college. so if anyone has any ideas for me please let me know

I wanted to move back to Michigan like yesterday

Another reason I dont want kids!

Crazy

I had to go to work at 8pm to do the holiday set up (which i was going to be off at 12:30am) well we did not leave until 2:45am, and we really did not even get done. so me being the sweet person i am I volunteered to come back at 4:15am to do the rest why others open the store (its my day off too) but the District Managers are going to be doing a walk through to make sure it was done right and we get graded on it early in the morning (plus i need money) so i guess i will take one for the team.

Just looking for a way to change the headlines!

President Bush announced the "resignation" of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld.


The real headline:

Dem. win control of congress

Your a Jackass

you know who you are, now how about you leave a comment now I promise I wont erase it this time

4am

I got a call this morning @ 4am from jon, he is now in VA. and he wanted to give me all the reasons that I should come and move over there. He was saying how his family owns this and that and how happy he is and he would be even better if I came down there as well. The funny thing is that I want to go to school there at the University Of Virginia. I know once I got off the phone I did not dismiss the whole Idea.

Well it's about time

Democrats won control of the House. Yes!

I like you, do you like me?

I went to see Borat today and I think that the movie was 100 times better then I thought it would be. I laughed so hard that I gave myself a headache.I know that this will be just one of many times I see the movie. I give it 2 thumbs up

Borat??????????

well me and ali went to go see Borat tonight and I must say it was not meant to be because on our way her car broke down on us so we pulled over in a shitty part of beaverton at 10pm at night in pouring rain to try to see what the problem was, and as good as I am with cars I know nothing about sticks so i was no help at all. so we called AAA and missed the movie so we will try it again tomorrow, maybe

ok one more

every sense the lost of my grandfather "papa" I have not done to much with my stock investments (that's cause he did them for me) but by the way things are looking there not doing to much either
Sears Sucks
ps sorry papa

5:07 am

time to call it a night and sleep a few hours. until next time kisses